Thursday, June 20, 2024

Yeesh

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Here's a headline I just saw on CNN's website:  "Microplastics discovered in human penises for the first time."

I'm not even a man, yet I feel like crossing my legs.

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

This Week's Quote

Image:  Facebook

Juneteenth has never been a celebration of victory, or an acceptance of the way things are. Instead, it's a celebration of progress. It's an affirmation that despite the most painful parts of our history, things do get better. America can change.

Barack Obama

Source:  Country Living 

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Pride and Prejudice


As a queer humorist, I feel it's my duty to poke fun at the excesses of Pride, starting with the way corporations gay-wash the month of June.

In an attempt to appear allied and rake in LGBTQ dollars, companies pump out rainbow clothes, shoes, makeup, jewelry, eyeglasses, kitchenware, alcohol, candy, cake and so on. Activists are right to ask whether rainbow capitalism aligns with the revolutionary spirit of Stonewall.

But all such weighty concerns abandoned ship yesterday when a straight friend presented me with rainbow flowers. It was a thoughtful gesture of support, a sentiment that made me sentimental.

Or else it's just been too damn long since a woman gave me flowers.

Thursday, June 13, 2024

So Much for That

Image by Nina Garman from Pixabay

As I drove to work this morning on one of Seattle's busiest thoroughfares, my NPR station teased an upcoming story about the national demise of gay bars. That'll give me something to write about, I thought, prepared to be all ears.

Just as the story began and I slowed for a red light, a car on my right suddenly shot forward, smashing into a car ahead of me, then careening into another car in the intersection before squealing away in the opposite direction. 

After calling 911 and talking to other shocked witnesses, I'd missed the entire report on gay bars. I can't convey to you any of its conclusions. Frankly, after that experience, it was a strain to convey my own name.

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

This Week's Quote

Image:  Wikipedia

I have my standards. They're low, but I have them.

Bette Midler

Source:  AZ Quotes

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

Flying Colors

Image:  Facebook

Martha-Ann Alito, wife of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, was secretly recorded last week saying, "I want a Sacred Heart of Jesus flag, because I have to look across the lagoon at the Pride flag for the next month."

What is it with this woman and flags?

Monday, June 10, 2024

An Unprecedented Saturday

Image:  Facebook

Philadelphia set a record, and it had nothing to do with the Phillies, the Rocky Statue or cheesesteak.

On the first day of June, hundreds of queer activists, allies and families with small kids walked into the National Constitution Center. A Guinness World Records official counted their red tickets. Agonizing minutes passed before the official looked up and nodded at organizers.

The first-ever title for the largest attendance at a drag queen story time was theirs.

Yes, nobody had aimed for this title before—not even the Provincetown public library—and Guinness insisted on a minimum of 250 attendees. They got 263.

Five drag queens read aloud that day. Given their likely footwear, I assume they didn't celebrate the history-making event by galloping up the Rocky Steps.

Wednesday, June 5, 2024

This Week's Quote

Image:  Facebook

For pride month you can’t say “let me get this straight…”, you have to say “just so we’re queer…”

Roscoe Jones

Source: X

Monday, June 3, 2024

Marriage Material

Image by Koen One Stop Map from Pixabay

The Balkan nation of Albania is noted for the way its Muslim, Catholic and Orthodox Christian communities coexist. Doubtless helping to keep the peace is that all three are united by a common enemy:  same-sex marriage.

Add the fact that the state doesn't recognize same-sex unions, and you start to appreciate the bravery of Alba Ahmetaj and Edlira Mara. The two women, who have been together 14 years and have twin daughters, recently donned flowing white wedding gowns and, in front of friends on the rooftop of the mayor's office in Tirana, tied the knot.

Down below, police officers guarded the building—from the very worst kind of wedding crashers.

May the little family be happy and safe. May the Albanian faith communities find something less toxic to agree upon. And may those who've married in more hospitable countries appreciate that their greatest fear was whether Aunt Mary would be schnockered before the vows.

Thursday, May 30, 2024

But I Repeat Myself

Image by Sambeet D from Pixabay

Guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty!

Wednesday, May 29, 2024

This Week's Quote

Image by LoggaWiggler from Pixabay

We are glad that Pope Francis has apologized for using such a demeaning term . . . The truth is that the Church simply could not function without those countless gay priests, bishops and maybe even popes who currently serve and have served over the centuries. 

Marianne Duddy-Burke, DignityUSA’s Executive Director

Source:  DignityUSA

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Mea Culpas

Image:  Facebook

Pope Francis apologized today for using an offensive Italian term describing gay men.

I guess this is the moment for me to confess that I once accidentally referred to the pontiff as "Poop Francis."

Sunday, May 26, 2024

All Persons

Image:  Facebook

I read something remarkable today in the magazine of The Nature Conservancy (TNC).

Before creating the 1.2 mile All Persons Trail, located within a TNC swamp preserve in Manchester, N.H., designers held listening sessions with communities that face barriers to nature. Disabled people weighed in.

But they weren't the only ones. "One participant spoke about the need for a private space, such as an all-gender restroom, for trans people to bind or unbind their chest." That restroom came to fruition, and the trail's signage includes depictions of different sexual orientations.

I'm so pleasantly surprised that TNC asked for input. I do believe welcoming efforts like this trail will be appreciated and effective, even as I know there will always be a portion of the LGBTQ community whose interest in nature is confined to sex on the dunes.

Wednesday, May 22, 2024

This Week's Quote

Image by heblo from Pixabay

Donald Trump has something to say about this trial everywhere but under oath.

Rep. Malcolm Kenyatta

Source:  X

Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Kansas City Chafes

Image:  Facebook

You've probably heard about the commencement speech the kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs gave earlier this month at Benedictine College in Atchison, Kansas. If he meant to provoke, Harrison Butker hit it right between the uprights.

The obviously conservative Catholic referred to "the deadly sin sort of pride that has an entire month dedicated to it." He railed against "dangerous gender ideologies," as well as "the tyranny of diversity, equity and inclusion." Butker denounced abortion, and urged female graduates to embrace the role of homemaker and beware the "diabolical lies" about career ambition.

The NFL distanced itself from Butker's speech like Jerry Rice separating from a cornerback. Derision poured down on the kicker, who'd even managed to piss off Taylor Swift fans by misinterpreting her lyrics.

But here's my favorite part of the story:  An order of nuns affiliated with Benedictine College took to Facebook to (metaphorically) slap his hand with a ruler.

"The sisters of Mount St. Scholastica do not believe that Harrison Butker's comments in his 2024 Benedictine College commencement address represent the Catholic, Benedictine, liberal arts college that our founders envisioned and in which we have been so invested," declared the women religious.

"One of our concerns was the assertion that being a homemaker is the highest calling for a woman. We sisters have dedicated our lives to God and God's people, including the many women whom we have taught and influenced during the past 160 years. These women have made a tremendous difference in the world in their roles as wives and mothers and through their God-given gifts in leadership, scholarship, and their careers."

Owie, that smarts.

An NFL defensive line is formidable, but Butker now faces angry queer people, nuns and Swifties, and that's scarier.

Thursday, May 16, 2024

(No) Sympathy for the Devil


I went to see the Rolling Stones here in Seattle last night, crossing an item off my bucket list, because after all, Keith Richards might live forever, but I won't.

As I neared the security line, I heard a voice wafting over those making their way into the stadium. Then I saw a few men holding up signs while their leader intoned about going to hell. Automatically, I barred them from my mind and sight.

Some Stones fans might not have known what to make of Christian zealots staking out the concert. Me, I was surprised at how quickly I recognized and dismissed them. Now I realize that decades of going to Prides has given me a leg up on spotting Christian "love" in action.

I'm 60 years old, and have just discovered that I have a spidey sense.

Wednesday, May 15, 2024

This Week's Quote

Image by Alexander Grey from Pixabay

I assume everyone is gay unless I'm told otherwise.

Harvey Fierstein

Source:  The Book of Gay & Lesbian Quotations

Saturday, May 11, 2024

The First Day

Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay

Speaking yesterday on a conservative talk radio show out of Philadelphia, Donald Trump vowed to reverse transgender student protections, just enacted by the Biden administration, "on day one."

That's the day, you'll recall, that he plans to be a dictator. How will he have the time to hurt trans kids when he'll be so busy closing the border, drilling for oil and getting measured for an ermine robe?

Wednesday, May 8, 2024

This Week's Quote

Image by Venita Oberholster from Pixabay

I was 5 years old the first time I ever got onstage in front of an audience. My kindergarten class was putting on a Black History Month presentation for our parents, and I was given the part of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I wasn’t expected to learn the entire speech; all I had to do was say, “I am Martin Luther King and I have a dream.” However, what (nervously) came out of my mouth, in front of the entire auditorium, was, “I am Martin Luther King … and I have to pee.” First big laugh I’ve ever gotten.

Alex English

Source:  Vulture

Saturday, May 4, 2024

May Reminds Me

Image:  Facebook

Well before he, or I, knew I was gay, my father would describe an effeminate homosexual man as being "gayer than a maypole."

Yes, it was a slur. But at least it was a festive one.

Friday, May 3, 2024

That Portion of the Year

We've arrived at my confessional time of the year.

That's one way of looking at Mental Health Awareness Month and Pride Month, otherwise known as May and June. I think you readers are clear on the fact that I'm a lesbian. If not, I've been writing about Donald Trump way too much.

What you're likely less clear on is that life loaded some mental health challenges on me. I describe these in a humorous memoir called "Fun With Fred:  Life With OCD and Hoarding."

Yes, a book. When I confess, I go big.




Wednesday, May 1, 2024

This Week's Quote

Image:  Wikipedia
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Margaret Mead

Source:  AZ Quotes

Saturday, April 27, 2024

The DTs, Part 2

Image by Daniel Dan outsideclick from Pixabay

Do you think Donald Trump is dumb?

He, of course, informed us he's "a very stable genius." On the other hand, he also offered us "covfefe."

His former national security adviser allegedly called him a "dope" and an "idiot." His former secretary of state supposedly called him a "moron." One of Trump's professors at Penn purportedly called him "the dumbest goddamn student I ever had."

I remember the analysis that came out while Trump was president declaring he speaks at a fourth-grade level. He puts my teeth on edge every time he opens his mouth, but to be fair, I don't know if that's because of the way he speaks or what he's saying. Pretty much spoiled for choice there.

I suspect most human beings, when disagreed with, tend to assume that the other person is stupid. We all have some Archie Bunker in us.

But in Trump's case, I do believe he's not so bright. I suspect he's gotten where he is by being smart enough, but mainly by being born into money and privilege that guaranteed him good schools, a way out of the draft and a nest egg. Equally important, he's propelled by negative emotions like greed, vanity, envy and lechery, and is utterly devoid of a conscience. He might even be a sociopath; he's certainly a narcissist.  Altogether, the man is as shallow as a spring puddle.

And yet, don't underestimate him. The nation made that mistake before. In one area he really is a genius, namely self-promotion. And he intuitively understood far before political experts that a large portion of America craves going low.

So my vote is Trump is of barely average intelligence, but is shot through with streaks of evil genius. Feel free to disagree with me. You dimwit.

Thursday, April 25, 2024

Keeping Up WIth George

Image:  Facebook

Though he was expelled from Congress last December, George Santos had declared his intention to run again, this time in a different New York district and as an independent rather than a Republican.

But he announced this week on X that he's bowing out of the race. The openly gay Santos explained that he doesn't "want to split the ticket and be responsible for handing the house to Dems."

There's that selflessness for which the serial liar is so noted. He's making this decision for the good of the conservative movement, and certainly not because his campaign hasn't raised one red cent.

Santos signed off his post, "It’s only goodbye for now, I’ll be back."

He may be Brazilian, but I read that and heard an Austrian accent.

Wednesday, April 24, 2024

This Week's Quote

Image by WikiImages from Pixabay

The rumors about Trump farting are flying around thick and fast. I know he fell asleep in court again today, but because it’s Earth Day, I pray he was at least able to reduce his emissions.

Bette Midler

Source:  X

Monday, April 22, 2024

Earth Day

 


An oldie from Walt Kelly, my favorite cartoonist. Still painfully pertinent.

Sunday, April 21, 2024

Hunting for the Good

Image:  Facebook

I've thought of something positive to say about Marjorie Taylor Greene. She makes Sarah Palin look classy.

Wednesday, April 17, 2024

This Week's Quote

Image:  Facebook

LADY BRACKNELL:  To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long engagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which I think is never advisable.

Oscar Wilde

Source:  The Importance of Being Earnest

Sunday, April 14, 2024

Hitting the Books

Image:  Facebook

The American Library Association released a list of the 10 most challenged books in 2023.

Here's the upshot, from the ALA president: "In looking at the titles of the most challenged books from last year, it’s obvious that the pressure groups are targeting books about LGBTQIA+ people and people of color."

Folks tried to ban 4,240 titles in schools and libraries around the nation in 2023, a 65 percent jump from 2022, which was itself a record-breaking year.

We're in a maelstrom of censorship right now, courtesy of those who believe keeping kids from reading gay books will prevent them from being gay. That's not how things work. I don't recall reading any queer books growing up, and I still managed to attain full sapphic status.

I'll admit that, as a child, I loved "Harold and the Purple Crayon," but I'm pretty sure that doesn't count.

Wednesday, April 10, 2024

This Week's Quote

Image by Ray Shrewsberry • from Pixabay

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Ellen DeGeneres

Source:  Brainy Quote

An Arizona Wow

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay

Yesterday the Arizona Supreme Court ruled the state can enforce a law criminalizing nearly all abortions.

The law is from 1864. Expect the Court to issue a strong statement of support for the Confederacy any day now.

Tuesday, April 9, 2024

Hard to Learn

Image by Sammy-Sander from Pixabay

You'd think I'd know better, as a queer person, than to stereotype, but every so often I need to learn the lesson anew.

Today as I stood in line at the post office my eyes fell on a middle-aged man being served at the counter. A girl of about 11 stood with him, and both appeared to be Latinx. He wore a shiny short-sleeved shirt that I assumed touted some team.

It did:  Team Lucifer.

I realized the shirt sported upside-down crosses, pentagrams, goat heads, a veritable satanic smorgasbord.

My assumption that I was looking at a stereotypically Catholic, Hispanic father and daughter vanished in a puff of sulfur. It was a startling reminder of how inaccurate it can be to turn people into cliches.

I've learned my lesson. And I'll retain it for a good 36 hours.

Monday, April 8, 2024

Rats

Image:  Facebook

This time Trump didn't look straight at the eclipse.

There goes my plan for saving democracy.

Wednesday, April 3, 2024

This Week's Quote


Image:  Facebook

TRENT (spoken):
You can't cherry pick the bible,
Choosing which part you wanna believe

KAYLEE (spoken):
We don't do that

TRENT (spoken):
You don't? What's this?

(sung)
Kaylee has a small tattoo
That tattoo would be taboo
Kaylee guess what waits for you
An eternity in the fiery pits of hell

KAYLEE (spoken):
Hey!

TRENT:
Shelby, you seem sweet to me
But if it has come to be
You've lost your virginity
We'll be stoning you and your family as well

"Love Thy Neighbor" from "The Prom"

Source:  The Musical Lyrics