Lordy

Image:  Facebook

Even by Trumpian standards, this one was bananas.

In the Oval Office on Thursday, Donald Trump declared that states are snatching people's children and forcing them to transition.

"Where your child leaves your house, and they take your child from you, in some cases . . .  Think of it, in six states, they take the child and do what they want to do. What they do is, is— I don’t even want to talk about it! No transgender mutilization of your children."

That's not a typo. He really said "mutilization."

I know it's easy to say our president is a buffoon, but now he actually sounds just like Moe Howard of The Three Stooges, who often threatened, "I'll murderize you!"

Why, I wonder, have states gotten in the habit of kidnapping and performing surgery on kids? Is it a moneymaker, a way of paying for roads and bridges? Or do state officials simply like to dress up as the Child Catcher in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?"

Trump failed to mention which six states are doing this dreadful thing. So I'm forced to guess:  East Dakota, Upper Carolina, Lower Slobbovia, Calisota, Missitucky, and Moosylvania.

And they should all be ashamed of themselves.

So the Plan Is Now Stand-Up Comedy

Republican Career Gal

Image:  Facebook

I want to acknowledge that Karoline Leavitt was the first pregnant White House press secretary, and she worked until just a few days before giving birth to her daughter on May 1.

Clearly Leavitt is a devoted servant of the president, lying with almost the same aplomb he does, and she plans to return to her job after maternity leave. She could get back even sooner if she hired a wet nurse.

I hear Bryon Noem is available.

More Than Enough

 

Both Sides Agreeing on Something

Image:  Facebook

I noticed that my Facebook feed has been oddly heavy on liberal conspiracy theories in response to the attempted assassination at Saturday's Correspondents' dinner. The Washington Post reports that the rush to declare conspiracies, by both the left and right, was unusually "marked and potent."

Both sides claim Donald Trump and his flunkies staged the chaos in order to build support for Trump, floundering in the polls, and that ridiculous ballroom he lusts after so much it might as well be a female eastern European.

Disinformation experts noted something I glommed onto, namely that all this conjecturing highlights a growing disenchantment with Trump among MAGA types. It would be poetic justice if he who gained the White House on a hot mess of lies were brought down by the same.

A big factor in this conspiracy theory explosion is the human need to make sense of a crisis when little information is available. One expert said that Trump calling for the ballroom right after the incident created mental discomfort for some, who then leaped to conclusions. "It's like conspiratorial Mad Libs."

I loved Mad Libs as a kid. My siblings and I used to think it was hilarious that whenever a noun was called for, we shouted "toilet!"

We were ahead of our time. The conspiracy theorists need to plug in something to make the world make sense—and under Trump, Washington IS a toilet.

Harumph

Image:  Facebook

I've now participated in all three No Kings protests, but I haven't received a penny in payment.

I intend to report George Soros to the Department of Labor.

He's Not Our Fault!

Image:  Facebook

The constant stream of verbal malarkey that comes out of Donald Trump's mouth included this gem yesterday: "I did very well with the gay vote."

Trump won about 12 percent of the LGBTQ vote in 2024, with Kamala Harris capturing about 86 percent.

If he thinks that's doing well, I've got a strait by the name of Hormuz to sell him.

Phantom Support

Image:  Facebook

Twice yesterday Donald Trump claimed he talked to one of his predecessors about the Iran war, and the former president told him, "I wish I did what you did."

However, aides to George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama said no conversations took place, and Joe Biden has also been ruled out, reports NBC News, exhausting the pool of living former presidents.

So either Trump—gasp—lied, or he meant he talked to himself, since he's also a former president, and received hearty approval.

I suppose there's a third possibility, that he's in nightly contact with Rutherford B. Hayes, but let's not make things worse than they already are.

The Trump Truth

Image:  Facebook

On the night he was re-elected president, Donald Trump told supporters he was "not going to start a war, I'm going to stop wars."

That was about 16 months ago. Since then, the "peace president" has launched military operations across three continents, culminating now in trying to bomb Iran into regime change.

Trump has turned out to be more interventionist than Ann Landers.

Aghast From the Past

Image:  Wikipedia

As a fan of old cartoons, I often find myself watching the cable channels that revolve around nostalgia. That's how I caught an ad the other day that shocked me like I was Daffy Duck grabbing a power line.

It was an ad for CarShield, a company that provides "vehicle protection plans," and whose spokesperson is usually rapper and actor Ice-T. But this time the hawker was Michele Bachmann.

Yes, that Michele Bachmann, the conservative Christian politician from Minnesota who many of us remember as a well-coiffed thorn in queer sides. She claimed nutty things, like gay people wanted to abolish age of consent laws so adults could "prey on little children sexually."

All the while she was married to a man who struck many of us as being gayer than a night on Fire Island.

Bachmann, a Tea Partier, took her anti-queer, anti-abortion act national when she mounted a short-lived run for the 2012 presidency. She retired from Congress a few years later, and I don't recall hearing a thing about, or from, her since.

Then she shows up in 2026 shilling on TV for CarShield, a company that has been in deep trouble for deceptive advertising. Considering Bachmann and her husband ran a Christian counseling center that practiced conversion therapy despite their denials, I'd say she's perfectly suited to her new gig.

Hey, it's not everyone who can lie with a beatific smile and get paid for it. Thank God.

Fantasy History

Image:  Facebook

The White House today rolled out a new website for the fifth anniversary of the Jan. 6 riots.

CNN reports the new site claims the violence "was instigated by law enforcement and then-House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. It recasts the rioters as the victims that day, and depicts President Donald Trump as a hero for granting sweeping pardons for the nearly 1,600 people charged in connection with the deadly attack."

Sure. And George Washington grew up on the planet Venus, and currently works as a chiropractor in Poughkeepsie.

Dispiriting

Image:  Facebook

I'd hoped that on Christmas Eve Donald Trump would receive visits from the Ghost of Bankruptcies Past and the Ghost of Moral Bankruptcy Present.

Plainly this didn't occur, as the president had the time to post or repost over 100 times during the night. He wished all a Merry Christmas, including the "Radical Left Scum" trying to destroy the country. He shared calls for prosecuting Barack Obama over the 2020 election, and Nancy Pelosi for insider trading.

It was an unhinged, unseasonable, and unending grievance-fest. Trump actually out-Scrooged Scrooge. Even infinitely patient Tiny Tim would've been tempted to whack him with his crutch.

Maybe That's Now an After-School Activity

 

Who Knew?

Image:  Facebook

According to USA Today, last week a Sun Country Airlines flight from Minneapolis to Newark had one of those passengers on board that everybody just loves.

The man shouted he was being chased by gay people. and "gay people were giving him cancer, cooking and radiating him."

The fella eventually said "the plane is going down," which prompted the flight to be diverted to Chicago.

His fellow passengers must've been furious. And I'm none too happy that only now am I discovering that I've had the power all along to give people cancer.

This Week's Quote

                                                 Image:  Facebook

Whoever that guy was who forged Trump’s name on the Epstein card in 1995 and patiently waited 30 years for a leak was a next-level strategist. It’s almost unbelievable.

Kyle Keegan

Source:  X

Day One

Image:  Facebook

George Santos, the less-than-fabulous serial fabulist, begins his seven-year prison stretch today for identity theft, wire fraud, money laundering, and theft of public funds.

The openly gay Santos couldn't tell the truth if his Ferragamo loafers depended on it.

The Advocate reports that the former congressman "has spent the week descending into a digital rampage, accusing prosecutors of conspiracy, threatening federal officials and journalists, and invoking far-right grievances against former President Barack Obama and the justice system, while praising President Donald Trump."

Santos has been holding out hope for a pardon from Trump. After all, they're so alike. Both are self-obsessed New York Republicans, both have used political power to enrich themselves, and both lie at a pace that breaks the land speed record.

In a final twist, Santos says he hopes to teach civics in prison. That would be like Jeffrey Dahmer teaching culinary arts.

Captain Ludicrous

Image by Bruce Emmerling from Pixabay

As we head into a new work week, take comfort in knowing that the president of the United States always has the American people in the forefront of his mind.

Except when the president is Donald Trump.

On Saturday night, Trump took the time to repost on Truth Social a gonzo claim that former President Joe Biden was executed in 2020 and replaced with clones or robots.

That's our leader, so measured, so calming, so responsible.

I'd feel more secure being governed by Trump's putter.

Poor Little Lamb

Image:  Facebook

In a campaign-like speech that broke all norms at the Justice Department yesterday, Donald Trump made it plain:  He's the most innocent victim since Anne Frank.

The Little Lady

 

This Week's Quote

Image by heblo from Pixabay

During his painfully long remarks before a joint session of Congress, Trump peddled so many brazen falsehoods that it was difficult to keep up with them all.

Steve Benen

Source:  MSNBC