It's a Full Day

Image by Kenya Aguirre from Pixabay

It took some doing, but I laid my hands on one of Donald Trump's recent daily schedules:

9:00 am     Pardon a criminal. Collect his soul.

9:30 am     Take a turn at the East Wing wrecking ball.

10:00 am   Place calls to leaders of shithole countries demanding they nominate me for next year's Nobel Peace Prize.

11:00 am    Crank call Nobel committee.

11:30 am    Revive plan to get my face added to Mt. Rushmore.

12:00 pm    Lunch. Send underlings to KFC and McDonald's. They pay.

1:00 pm      Nap

3:00 pm      Order Hegseth to bomb possible drug boats on Walden Pond.

3:30 pm      Order JD to push peanut around Resolute desk with his nose.

4:00 pm      Remind Bondi to fork over $230 million, or I'll sue.

4:30 pm      Swap hair secrets with president of Argentina.

5:00 pm      Blame everything on Crooked Hillary, Sleepy Joe, and Barack Hussein Obama. Consider adding Michelle—"Obama Lama Ding Dong?" 

5:15 pm      Order Bondi to prosecute that girl at Penn who wouldn't sleep with me. Float death penalty.