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Donald Trump said yesterday that he's sending a hospital boat to Greenland, the Danish territory he's so hot to acquire. Apparently it's escaped his notice that Greenland and Denmark have free, nationalized health care systems.
But we don't. Many Americans, myself included, can't get adequate medical care owing to the appalling costs.
The solution to my problem is obvious. Since fixing the American health care system is a non-starter, it's up to me to alert The Donald that my apartment sits on top of rare earth mineral resources.
Before you know it, I'll have health care, a seat on the Kennedy Center board, and a pardon for a crime I haven't committed yet.
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